First i nailed stage one, two and three. There's no replay button by the way; so i felt pretty darn good. I won the bonus round too! I'm tougher and stronger now. I'm ready to come home and made my long time dreams come true but oh... NOW You tell me that i could choose whether to come back or to continue for the most challenging round ever? What kind of game is this?
I look outside the window... Thinking so hard i didn't realize it's noon already. The sun went down as fast as the lightning that day. My mom texted me and she told me to stay here a little bit longer, i nod as if she was in front of me... But my heart wants to go home and hug my love ones... It hurt me a little bit when i saw her texts, it's like she didn't want me to bother her anymore but i knew that's just my middle child syndrome trying to bring me down again... Oh Cindy, she sacrificed her happiness for you, respect her opinion pretty please!
I try to distract my mind by counting those tiny people wandering around the piazza, so many and those colors are so pretty. Silence filled the room surrounded by high ceiling windows, i wear my daily uniform which are black hat, shoes, dress and dark lipstick. As conservative as ever... yeah right my hair color are black and green so this is the new office look yo! I looked calm and collective, but what's inside my head are two tornadoes swirling around fighting just like the cats and dogs ... They've been running around like crazy. What should i do? God, could You give me a sign or two just to be sure? Am i good enough to even dream about it? But i thought I've finished the race and had some wild dreams i know... but they're not actionable. It's not even possible but i never thought I'll finish my race either. So.... What should i do? Back to square one...
Suddenly my phone rang and it's an unknown number... I press the answer button and....
"Hi is this Cindy? I'm.... from AAAA and we would love to schedule a job interview with you, are you here in Milan?", she asked.
I just gasped and said
" Si, Sono io...hmm I mean yes sure i would love to!"
"I'll send you the details via email and see you soon!" the call ended and my heart was filled with uncertainty.
Should i dove deeper? Think hard and figure your things out darling!
I checked my emails and OMG... Another job interview and a morning meeting for Thursday!! *gasped* You gotta be kidding me... Sometimes God answers your prayers in a blink of an eye. How could You do this? I thought when my friends telling me to come home quick and start a life in my home country were the signs! I've made up my mind but then... You answered all of my prayers at once and my little brains are all messed up and confused... Silly me, i thought i would know how this blogpost gonna end but NOPE! Just be grateful and keep swimming Cindy... Just, be careful what you wish for cause He said "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD(Isaiah 55:8).
Maybe just maybe, it's okay to not to have a plan at all? Life is full of uncertainty, it's okay to be lost... Everything is going to be just fine you'll find the answer later *inhale exhale*
to be continued....
Photographed by Tridan Yoshua Dress: Duma Official Shoes: Zara Hat: &Other Stories