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Life journey:I Am...(fortunately) Me

Oh yes! finally, noooo... i'm not dead people, or let's say not yet. Exam is coming next week(yeay! *cry* ) please please please pray for me guys, and forgive the hippiegonemadgirl for taking a break after this super long love letter.

 I found this image and can't stop staring at it. So pretty..... and NO it's not mine so... for the creative pretty lady who made this awesome drawing, you rock!
A few days ago, i realized that my emotional eating and binge cycle was back. I gained a lot of weight i guess and my insecurities come without any invitation at all. My love and hate relationship with food frustrates me! I want to eat desserts like 24/7 but i'm... getting fatter and fatter each day, and when i'm fat, i tend to be grumpy, super sensitive and easily irritated. I insist to hate my flaw because i don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know how to change!
I know i know my weight was and maybe is the center of my universe, i keep talking about it all the time for years, but who doesn't? I'm a woman, and should i say i have a super high insecurity rate i wish Indonesian rupiah can keep up with it? *jk.

  I realize that i'm not one of those "super happy all the time" people, i can hide my feelings sometimes but not too long, i tend to speak up, i'm an aries after all. I'm stubborn and expressive(can i add expensive too here? any amen from fellow aries?). Few years back, i thought that i was the most complicated girl in this world, but no! i am normal, i'm just human(surprise surprise!). Remember the "you against the world" moment? When you think nobody understand you, nobody likes you, nobody bla bla bla nobody!
 I realized that i couldn't be happy all the time, and if i could, i'll be the saddest person on earth. To be happy sometimes could be the hardest task of all, if you don't believe me... please try to be happy for other's achievements, try to be happy when your friends  got twelve pairs of louboutins for free, try to be happy when a friend of yours got a rich boyfriend and they'll get married this year in maldives and! you're not invited. Try to be happy for your bestfriend who can eat everything but won't get fat and still thinks that she's fat eventhough she needs to alter all of her size 0 clothes because she's too petite.HA!

"Happiness depends upon ourselves" a quote by Aristotle

I found this quote last year i guess or two years ago maybe. The grass is always greener on the other side and if you really understand why, you'll stop being so grumpy and ungrateful! Sometimes you spend days or even years to compare yourselves with others, you waste years of your youth hating instead of creating. Be the center of your own universe, you are the focus of your life. You are the star! 20 years from now when you're older and you need to work because the bills keep coming every month then you'll miss your younger-self, you'll miss the day when wrinkles are just myths and you still have the time to decide your future. Time is impatient, time doesn't run people, time flies! The sooner you realize the better. Appreciate what you have now, because you'll never know what will you lose tomorrow.

"You'll get what you deserve" 

I always think about what i deserve(in a good way trust me! *while sitting on a pink throne and scream "i demand diamonds and pearls, house full of champagne and a sweet romantic hug from ryan gosling" *don'tchooslap* ), oh this is why God gave me an allergic reaction to alcohol.Okay back to the topic,  based on how hard is the work to get what you want and how much should you lose in order to achieve something, you're smart enough to know what will you get and what you really deserve pretty people .

Don't expect to be the best when you never give your best. You can get nothing for free nowadays, there's no such thing as a free lunch! Words spoken by my junior high teacher ( i did pay attention sir!) You need to sacrifice something and i freakin' believe in karma by the way. Today is the product of yesterday. You will "produce" something today, or maybe nothing at all.If you act like a couch potato, crying about how ugly you are or how fortunate the others could be without even bother to wash your hair or do your homework, get a grip and do something!

"Breathe.Let Go and remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure", a quote by Oprah Winfrey 

It's easier to let go and to be happy for the happiness of others now no? Scream "I'm happy if you're happy!" yeay! I let go of things that i don't deserve yet... I got a loving boyfriend for almost 4,5 years ,a return ticket to NewYork and a great life in Milan when i deserve to have em , all of those super good things will come to those who wait and work hard!
Last but not least i have a secret to tell, it's been awhile since i have my tumblr account, honestly last week i tried to change my blog's name because i have an identity crisis(maybe because of the weight gain... hoollaaaa mood swing!) I changed my tumblr url for one night, one effin night and guess what! I lose hippiegonemad's tumblr url because somebody claim it as hers. It's a wake up call for me, sometimes when you hate yourself, you don't realize that maybe somebody somewhere is watching you,your grass is always greener in their eyes and you'll lose something you once had because your too busy wanting more. Be grateful pretty ladies, it's a privilege for me to be here in my virtual wonderland and if you can read my blog then you're lucky enough too! Internet is just a myth in some part of the world and to have 2 hands with 10 fingers is just a dream for those who were born without. Have a nice day and be kind. 




  2. Wow, such an emotional and full of spirit! Girl on fire, ceka! *hugs*

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  3. goodluck for your exam <3

  4. OMG i got this kind of insecurities too, i hate being such a super-sensitive human.
    Deep thought btw :")♥